Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
