I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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