Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
