she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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