I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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