A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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