if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woke up backwards on a recliner
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i think i just lost a toe
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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