I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
