I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
