I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize