just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
