She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
