Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
