I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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