we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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