so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
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