In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Randomize
