tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
