You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
