I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
