i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
