Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
