hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm at about main and main street
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I lost the right to judge tonight
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
