what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
