I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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