don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
