I just cut my nipple shaving
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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