call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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