Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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