i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize