I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
