I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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