I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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