Umm I'm too high to move.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
