The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My vagina just recognized that song.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
