OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This house was built for laser tag.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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