Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
