mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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