i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
