there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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