i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the condom got lost in my hair
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
