Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
