I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
