Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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