ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
