Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
