Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I need a burrito and a hug.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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