Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
