Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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