He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
