toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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