You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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