Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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