it wasn't lemon gatorade
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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