How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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