Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
