So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
