I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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