STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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