As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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