it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
