He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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