My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How naked do you want me to be?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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