I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
