We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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