I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
