Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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