Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
