i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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