it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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