I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Reggie can tackle my bush.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's official drugs can't kill me
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
