I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
