I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
