69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
