i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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