splinters make it hard to masturbate
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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