Im at strip club and am horny
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
