he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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