This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize