Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
