i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
